Living and Remember

VG Rasputin
Live and remember
It happened that in the last war year a local resident Andrei Guskov returned to a distant village on the Angara secretly from the war. The deserter does not think that in his father’s house he will be greeted with open arms, but he believes and does not deceive his wife’s understanding. His wife Nastyona, although afraid to admit it to herself, but she understands that her husband has returned, will receive a few. Does she love him? Nastyona married not for love, four years of her marriage were not so happy, but she is very devoted to her peasant, because, early leaving without her parents, she found protection and reliability for the first time in her life. “They conspired quickly: Nastenu was spurred by the fact that she was fed up with her to live with her aunt in female workers to bend her back on someone else’s family…”
Nastyona rushed into marriage as if in water – without too much hesitation: still have to go out, without that very few people do – what to pull? And what awaits her in a new family and a strange village, was bad. And it turned out that from the working women she got into working women, only the yard is different, the economy is bigger and the demand is more stringent. “Maybe the attitude towards her in the new family would have been better if she had given birth to a child, but there are no children.”
Childlessness made Nasten put up with everything. From childhood, she heard that the hollow woman without the babies – no longer a woman, but only polbaba. So at the beginning of the war, nothing of Nastyona and Andrey’s efforts comes out. Guilty Nastyona thinks herself. “Only once, when Andrew, reproaching her, said something quite intolerable, she answered with resentment that it is still unknown who of them was the reason – she or he, she did not try other muzhiks.” He beat her to death. ” And when Andrew is taken to the war, Nastyona is even a little glad that she remains alone without the children, not as in other families. Letters from the front from Andrei come regularly, then from the hospital, where he gets wounded too, maybe he’ll be on vacation soon; and suddenly for a long time there is no news, only once the chairman of the village council and the policeman come into the hut and ask to show correspondence. ” Did he say anything more about himself? “-” No… What’s with him? Where is he? “-” Here we want to find out where he is. “
When the ax disappears in the family bath of the Guskovs, Nastyona alone thinks only if her husband has returned: “Who will the stranger come to look under the floorboard?” And just in case, she leaves bread in the bathhouse, and one day she even drowns a bath and meets in her the one whom she expects to see. The return of the spouse becomes her secret and is perceived by her as a cross. “Nastena believed that in the fate of Andrei since he left the house, there was some kind of edge and her participation, believed and was afraid that she lived, probably for one herself, so she waited: on, Nastyona, take it, but do not show it to anyone. “
With willingness she comes to her husband for help, ready to lie and steal for him, ready to take the blame for a crime in which it is not to blame. In marriage, you have to take both the bad and the good: “We have converged on a common life.” When everything is good, it’s easy to be together, when it’s bad – that’s why people are converging. “
In the heart of Nastyona settles up fervor and courage – until the end to fulfill his female duty, she selflessly helps her husband, especially when he understands what he carries under the heart of his child. Meetings with her husband in the hut behind the river, long mournful conversations about the hopelessness of their situation, hard work at home, settled insincerity in relations with villagers – Nastyona is ready for everything, understanding the inevitability of her fate. And although the love for her husband is more her duty, she pulls her life strap with an uncommon male power.
Andrei is not a murderer, not a traitor, but only a deserter who escaped from the hospital, where he was not properly treated, was going to be sent to the front. After settling on leave after a four-year absence from home, he can not give up the idea of ​​returning. As a countryman, not urban and not military, he is already in the hospital in a situation from which one salvation is an escape. So he had everything, he could have formed otherwise, whether he is more assertive on his feet, but the reality is that in the world, in his village, in his country, he will not be forgiven. Realizing this, he wants to pull to the last, not thinking about his parents, his wife and even more about the future child. The profoundly personal that connects Nasten with Andrew, comes into conflict with their lifestyle. Nastyona can not raise her eyes to those women who get funerals, can not rejoice, as she would have been happy before when the neighboring...peasants returned from the war. At the village holiday about the victory, she remembers about Andrei with unexpected anger: “Because of him, because of him, she does not have the right, like everyone else, to rejoice in victory.” The fugitive husband confronted Nastyona with a difficult and insoluble question: with whom should she be? She condemns Andrei, especially now that the war is ending and when it seems that he would have survived as unharmed as anyone who survived, but, judging him from time to time with anger, hatred and despair, she desperately retreats: yes because she is his wife. And if so, we must either completely abandon him, rooster jumping on the fence: I’m not me and the fault is not mine, or go along with it to the end. Though on the block. It is not without reason that it is said: to whom to marry someone, that in that and will be born. At the village holiday about the victory, she remembers about Andrei with unexpected anger: “Because of him, because of him, she does not have the right, like everyone else, to rejoice in victory.” The fugitive husband confronted Nastyona with a difficult and insoluble question: with whom should she be? She condemns Andrei, especially now that the war is ending and when it seems that he would have survived as unharmed as anyone who survived, but, judging him from time to time into anger, hatred and despair, she desperately retreats: yes because she is his wife. And if so, we must either completely abandon him, rooster jumping on the fence: I’m not me and the fault is not mine, or go along with it to the end. Though on the block. It is not without reason that it is said: to whom to marry someone, that in that and will be born. At the village holiday about the victory, she remembers about Andrei with unexpected anger: “Because of him, because of him, she does not have the right, like everyone else, to rejoice in victory.” The fugitive husband confronted Nastyona with a difficult and insoluble question: with whom should she be? She condemns Andrei, especially now that the war is ending and when it seems that he would have survived as unharmed as anyone who survived, but, judging him from time to time with anger, hatred and despair, she desperately retreats: yes because she is his wife. And if so, we must either completely abandon him, rooster jumping on the fence: I’m not me and the fault is not mine, or go along with it to the end. Though on the block. It is not without reason that it is said: to whom to marry someone, that in that and will be born. The fugitive husband confronted Nastyona with a difficult and insoluble question: with whom should she be? She condemns Andrei, especially now that the war is ending and when it seems that he would have survived as unharmed as anyone who survived, but, judging him from time to time with anger, hatred and despair, she desperately retreats: yes because she is his wife. And if so, we must either completely abandon him, rooster jumping on the fence: I’m not me and the fault is not mine, or go along with it to the end. Though on the block. It is not without reason that it is said: to whom to marry someone, that in that and will be born. The fugitive husband confronted Nastyona with a difficult and insoluble question: with whom should she be? She condemns Andrei, especially now that the war is ending and when it seems that he would have survived as unharmed as anyone who survived, but, judging him from time to time with anger, hatred and despair, she desperately retreats: yes because she is his wife. And if so, we must either completely abandon him, rooster jumping on the fence: I’m not me and the fault is not mine, or go along with it to the end. Though on the block. It is not without reason that it is said: to whom to marry someone, that in that and will be born. we must either completely abandon him, rooster jumping on the fence: I’m not me and the fault is not mine, or go along with it to the end. Though on the block. It is not without reason that it is said: to whom to marry someone, that in that and will be born. we must either completely abandon him, rooster jumping on the fence: I’m not me and the fault is not mine, or go along with it to the end. Though on the block. It is not without reason that it is said: to whom to marry someone, that in that and will be born.
Noticing the pregnancy Nastyona, her former girlfriends begin to laugh at her, and her mother-in-law and completely expelled from the house. “It was not easy to endure endlessly the grasping and judgmental views of people – curious, suspicious, evil.” Forced to hide their feelings, to restrain them, Nastyona is increasingly exhausted, her fearlessness becomes a risk, a feeling wasted in vain. They are pushing her to suicide, they drag her into the waters of the Angara, shimmering like from a creepy and beautiful fairy tale of the river: “She was tired, I would have known who she was, how tired she felt and how she wanted to rest.”


Living and Remember