After reading an excerpt from the pedagogical composition of the great French writer, thinker J. – J. Rousseau “Julia, or New Eloise.” I began to think. and what is reasonable parental love. What should it be?
The feeling of love in the communication of parents and children is expressed through gestures, intonation, facial expressions, emotions, words. It is very important for us, adults, to learn to pronounce these words so that the child understands and feels that he is loved. And how often happens the opposite!
We are adults, we believe that we express our love and understanding to the child, but he sees another and does not feel love. Therefore, parental love should be reasonable. It does not allow condemnation, discussion, comparison of the child with others. This kind of love involves accepting the baby as he is. If the kid feels that he is loved by others, he is trusted, then he will try to arrange for adults, begins to love them. It is such a mutual
intelligent love. trust will bring up in him many good qualities.
But what about if love is not strong enough? After all, the emotions of children are often unusual for adults.
You just need to “immerse yourself” in your long-forgotten childhood, turn to the memory of childhood experiences, grievances, the first unrequited love. you can read together with your children the works of Russian children’s writers, to again be imbued with those emotions, moods, common experiences with children for the bunny that the mistress threw, or for the bear who was torn off by the paw.
Sometimes, on the contrary, when children can not resist our “hyper” love and “hyper” care, they do not know how to protect themselves from it. Do not tell the Rebbe. “I will make you happy!” . It is necessary to “settle” in the baby the confidence in your love and not to engage in petty tutelage! Moreover, it is useless, because the consequences can be very deplorable – anger, various neuroses, indifference. Just do not simplify anything. The child is natural
in its manifestations, feelings, emotions, therefore it must be accepted as it is.
Some believe that bans are beneficial, others – on the contrary. How are prohibitions, restrictions – these are the necessary attributes of upbringing? My position on this issue is as follows. Bans and restrictions, in addition to benefits, do a lot of harm to the child. They create misunderstanding, hamper the development of the child’s personality, this is fertile ground for the emergence of many complexes, from which it is then difficult to get rid of.
How should prohibitions and restrictions be applied so that they do not hinder the development of the baby? Child psychologists suggest using constructive prohibitions. 1) the use of preventive measures; 2) development of mutual understanding with the child; 3) psychological methods.
In fact, there are many different receptions, and we, the parents. must identify, understand, feel, which of them will take our child.
Analyzing their attitude to their own children, came to such a conclusion that love. like any art, you need to learn and learn. It is necessary not to be silent, but to speak and show your feelings for the child. It is so important for their life, for building a family and a home, for their approval, promotion and success.