Island of the Penguins
In the foreword the author reports that the only purpose of his life is to write the history of penguins. For this he studied many sources, and above all the chronicle of the greatest penguin chronicler John Talpa. Like other countries, Penguin has survived several eras: ancient times, the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, new and newer centuries. And its history began from the moment when the holy old man Mael, carried by the devil’s machinations to the island of Alk, dubbed Arctic birds from the family of lapchatonogs, taking them for people because of deafness and almost complete blindness. The news of the baptism of penguins caused extreme surprise in paradise. The most prominent theologians and theologians disagreed: some suggested giving the penguins an immortal soul, others advised immediately to send them to hell. But the Lord God commanded Saint Mael to correct his mistake – to turn penguins into people. Having done
this, the old man dragged the island to the Breton banks. The devil was disgraced.
Through the efforts of the saint, the inhabitants of the island received clothes, but this did not at all contribute to the establishment of morality. At the same time, the penguins began killing each other over the land, thereby asserting property rights, which meant undoubted progress. Then a population census was carried out and the first General States were convened, which decided to save the noble penguins from taxes, entrusting them to the mob.
Already in ancient times Penguinia found a holy patron saint – Orberoz. Together with her lover Kraken, she rescued the country from a cruel dragon. There was it as follows. Mighty Kraken, hoisted a helmet with horns on his head, robbed the tribesmen at night and kidnapped them. children. Saint Mahel had a sign that only a virgin maiden and a fearless knight can save penguins. Upon learning of this, the beautiful Orberoza volunteered to perform the feat, referring to her virgin purity. Kraken built a wooden frame and skinned it with leather. Five boys were taught to climb
into this structure, move it and burn the patch so that the flames would burst out of the mouth. In front of admiring penguins, Orberoza led the dragon on a leash, like a submissive dog. Then came Kraken with a shining sword and ripped open the belly monster, where the children who had disappeared had jumped out. In gratitude for this heroic deed, the penguins pledged to pay Kraken an annual tribute. Wanting to inspire the people with a beneficial fear, he adorned himself with the crest of a dragon. The loverous Orberos long comforted the shepherds and the paraphernalia, and then dedicated her life to the Lord. After her death, she was ranked as a saint, and Kraken became the ancestor of the first royal dynasty, the Draconids. Among them were many wonderful rulers: thus, Bryan the Pious gained fame by cunning and courage in war, and Bosco the Magnanimous was so concerned about the fate of the throne that he interrupted his entire kin. The magnificent Queen of Cruces became famous for its generosity – true, according to John Talpa, she did not always know how to humble her desires by reasoning. The end of the medieval period was marked by a century-long war of penguins with dolphins.
The art of this era deserves all attention. Unfortunately, the penguin painting can only be judged by the primitives of other nations, since the penguins began to admire the creations of their early artists only after they were completely destroyed. From the literature of the XV century. before us came a precious monument – the story of the descent into the underworld, composed by the monk Marbod, a fiery admirer of Virgil. When the whole country was still stuck in the darkness of ignorance and barbarism, a certain Gilles Loiselle with an inexhaustible fervor studied natural and human sciences, hoping for their inevitable rebirth, which would soften morals and affirm the principle of freedom of conscience. These good times have come, but the consequences were not quite the same as Penzi Erasmus thought: Catholics and Protestants engaged in mutual destruction, and among philosophers, skepticism spread. The age of reason ended in the collapse of the old regime: the king was cut off and Penguin was proclaimed a republic. Seized by troubles and exhausted by wars, she carried in her own womb her murderer – General Trinko. This great commander conquered half the world, and then lost it, bringing the immortal glory of Penguin.
Then came the triumph of democracy – an Assembly was elected, completely controlled by the financial oligarchy. The penguin was suffocating under the weight of spending on a huge army and navy. Many hoped that with the development of civilization, wars would cease. Wanting to prove this statement, Professor Obnubil visited New Atlantis and discovered that the richest republic had destroyed half of the inhabitants of Third Zealand in order to force the others to buy umbrellas and braces from her. Then the sage bitterly told himself that the only way to improve the world is to blow up the entire planet with dynamite.
The Republican system in Penguin gave birth to a lot of abuses. Financiers have become a real scourge of the country because of their impudence and greed. Small traders could not feed themselves, and the nobles more often recalled their former privileges. Dissatisfied with hope looked to Prince Cruche, the last representative of the Draconid dynasty, who tasted the bitter bread of exile in Delphinium. The soul of the conspiracy was the monk Agarik, who drew his father Kornemyuz, who had grown rich in the liqueur of St. Orberos. The royalists decided to use one of its defenders, Chatillon, to overthrow the regime. But the case of the dragons was undermined by internal disagreements. Despite the seizure of the Chamber of Deputies, the coup ended in failure. Chatillon was allowed to flee to Delphinium, but Kornemyuz was confiscated by a vinonik.
Soon after, the penguin was shocked by the case of the theft of eighty thousand copses of hay stored for cavalry. The Jewish officer Pyro was accused of selling a wonderful penguin hay to treacherous dolphins. Despite the complete lack of evidence, Piro was convicted and placed in a cage. The penguins were imbued with unanimous hatred, but there was a spaniard named Kolomban, who spoke in defense of a despicable thief. At first Kolomban could not leave the house without being stoned. Gradually the number of pyrotechnists began to increase and reached several thousand. Then Colombana was seized and sentenced to capital punishment. The enraged crowd threw him into the river, and he swam with great difficulty. In the end, Piro got freedom: his innocence was proved by the efforts of judicial adviser Shospe.
The newest centuries began with a terrible war. The romance between the wife of Minister Ceres and the Prime Minister Vizier had catastrophic consequences: deciding to do everything to destroy his enemy, Ceres ordered the devoted people to write articles that described the warlike views of the head of government. This caused the sharpest reactions abroad. The stock exchanges of the Minister of Finance completed the business: on the day of the fall of the Wisir Ministry, a neighboring hostile empire recalled its envoy and threw eight million soldiers to the Penguin. The world drowned in the streams of blood. Half a century later, Mrs. Ceres died, surrounded by universal respect. All her property she bequeathed to the society of St. Orberos. There came the apogee of the penguin civilization: progress was expressed in deadly inventions, in vile speculations and hideous luxury.
Future times and history without end. In a gigantic city, fifteen million people worked. People lacked oxygen and natural food. The number of crazy and suicidal people grew. The anarchists completely destroyed the capital by explosions. The province came to desolation. Centuries seem to have sunk into eternity: the hunters again killed wild animals and dressed in their skins. Civilization passed its new circle, and in a gigantic city, fifteen million people again worked.