A short story about how Ivan Ivanovich quarreled with Ivan Nikiforovich
NV Gogol
A Tale of How Ivan Ivanovich Quarreled with Ivan Nikiforovich
A fine man Ivan Ivanovich! What a glorious beak he has! When it gets hot, Ivan Ivanovich will throw off the bekesh, rest in one shirt and look at what is happening in the yard and on the street. Melons are his favorite food. Ivan Ivanovich bites into a melon, and collects the seeds in a special piece of paper and writes on it: “This melon is eaten on such and such a number.” And what a house Ivan Ivanovich! With extensions and canopies, so that the roofs of the whole structure are like sponges growing on a tree. And the garden! What there is not! Every tree and every vegetable garden is in this garden! More than ten years have passed since Ivan Ivanovich was widowed. He had no children. The girl Gapka has children, they run around the yard and often ask Ivan Ivanovich: “Daddy, give me the carrot!” – and get either a bagel, or a piece of melon, or a pear. And what a pious
A very good man, Ivan Nikiforovich. His yard is near the courtyard of Ivan Ivanovich. And they are such friends who did not produce any light. Ivan Nikiforovich was never married and did not even intend to marry. He used to lie all day on the porch, and if he goes through the yard to inspect the farm, he soon returns to rest. In the heat, Ivan Nikiforovitch likes to swim, sits down in the water, orders to put a table and a samovar in the water, and drinks tea in such coolness.
Despite great affection, Ivan Ivanovich and Ivan Nikiforovich are not exactly alike. Ivan Ivanovich is thin and tall, Ivan Nikiforovich is lower,
In one morning, lying under a canopy, Ivan Ivanovich for a long time looks around his farm and thinks: “My God, what kind of master am I, what have not I got?” Having asked himself such a profound question, Ivan Ivanovich begins to look into the yard of Ivan Nikiforovich. There the skinny woman brings out and hangs up weathering stale signs, among an infinite number of which Ivan Ivanovich’s attention is attracted by an old gun. He looks at the gun, dresses and goes to Ivan Nikiforovich to ask for something he liked or exchange for something. Ivan Nikiforovich is resting on a carpet spread out on the floor without any clothes. Friends are treated to vodka and pies with sour cream, Ivan Ivanovich praises the weather, Ivan Nikiforovich sends the heat to hell. Ivan Ivanovich takes offense at God-forgiving words, but nevertheless proceeds to business and asks to give him a gun or exchange for a brown pig with two sacks of oats in addition. Ivan Nikiforovich does not agree, with arguments about the need for a rifle’s economy, only provoking his neighbor. Ivan Ivanovich with annoyance says: “You, Ivan Nikiforovich, carried so well with your gun, like a fool with a written brakes.” To this neighbor, who knows how to shave off better than any razor, answers: “And you, Ivan Ivanovich, a real gander.” This word offends Ivan Ivanovich so much that he can not control himself. The friends not only quarrel – Ivan Nikiforovich calls “even a woman and a boy to take them and put a neighbor out the door. In addition, Ivan Nikiforovich promises to beat Ivan Ivanovich muzzle, he responds by running, showing off the cook. arguments about the need for a rifle economy only provoking a neighbor. Ivan Ivanovich with annoyance says: “You, Ivan Nikiforovich, carried so well with your gun, like a fool with a written brakes.” To this neighbor, who knows how to shave off better than any razor, answers: “And you, Ivan Ivanovich, a real gander.” This word offends Ivan Ivanovich so much that he can not control himself. The friends not only quarrel – Ivan Nikiforovich calls “even a woman and a boy to take them and put a neighbor out the door. In addition, Ivan Nikiforovich promises to beat Ivan Ivanovich muzzle, he responds by running, showing off the cook. arguments about the need for a rifle economy only provoking a neighbor. Ivan Ivanovich with annoyance says: “You, Ivan Nikiforovich, carried so well with your gun, like a fool with a written brakes.” To this neighbor, who knows how to shave off better than any razor, answers: “And you, Ivan Ivanovich, a real gander.” This word offends Ivan Ivanovich so much that he can not control himself. The friends not only quarrel – Ivan Nikiforovich calls “even a woman and a boy to take them and put a neighbor out the door. In addition, Ivan Nikiforovich promises to beat Ivan Ivanovich muzzle, he responds by running, showing off the cook. Ivan Ivanovich, a real gander. “This word offends Ivan Ivanovich so much that he can not control himself, his friends not only quarrel – Ivan Nikiforovich calls” even a woman and a boy to take them and put a neighbor out the door. In addition, Ivan Nikiforovich promises to beat Ivan Ivanovich with a snout, and in response, running away, he shows the cook. Ivan Ivanovich, a real gander. “This word offends Ivan Ivanovich so much that he can not control himself, his friends not only quarrel – Ivan Nikiforovich calls” even a woman and a boy to take them and put a neighbor out the door. In addition, Ivan Nikiforovich promises to beat Ivan Ivanovich with a snout, and in response, running away, he shows the cook.
So, two respectable husbands, honor and decoration of Mirgorod, quarreled among themselves! And for what? For nonsense, because one called the other a gander. At first, former friends are still trying to reconcile, but Agafia Fedoseyev comes to Ivan Nikiforovich, who was not his sister-in-law or a kum, but often traveled to him-she shouts to Ivan Nikiforovich, so that he never makes peace and can not forgive his neighbor. To complete everything, as if with the particular intention of insulting a recent friend, Ivan Nikiforovich builds a goose barn directly at the site of the crossing through the wattle fence.
At night Ivan Ivanovich sneaks with a saw in his hand and saws the pillars of the crib, and he falls with a terrible crash. The whole next day Ivan Ivanovich seems to think that the hated neighbor will take revenge on him and, at least, set fire to his house. To get ahead of Ivan Nikiforovich, he hurries to the Mirgorodsky povest court to file a complaint against his neighbor. After him Ivan Nikiforovich is also on trial for the same purpose. The judge takes turns to persuade neighbors to make peace, but they are adamant. General confusion in court completes the emergency: a brown pig Ivan Ivanovich runs into the room, enough petition of Ivan Nikiforovich and runs away with paper.
Ivanovich goes to the governor, accusing the owner of his pig’s act and at the same time trying to persuade to reconcile with his neighbor. The visit of the governor does not bring success.
Ivan Nikiforovich wrote a new complaint, put the paper in a closet, and she lay there a year, another, a third. Ivan Nikiforovich is building a new goose cowshed, the hostility of neighbors is growing stronger. The whole city lives with one desire – to reconcile the enemies, but this proves impossible. Where Ivan Ivanovich appears, there can not be Ivan Nikiforovich, and vice versa.
At the assembly, which gives the mayor, a decent society deceit reduces the nose to the nose of the warring neighbors. Everyone persuades them to stretch out each other’s hands as a sign of reconciliation. Remembering the reason for the quarrel, Ivan Nikiforovich says: “Allow me to tell you in a friendly way, Ivan Ivanovich! You are offended by the devil knows what: for calling you a gander.” “The insulting word was again pronounced, Ivan Ivanovich in a fury, a reconciliation, already almost accomplished, flies to the dust!
Twelve years later on a festive day in the church among the people, apart from each other, there are two old men – Ivan Ivanovich and Ivan Nikiforovich. How did they change and become old! But all their thoughts are engaged in litigation, which is already in Poltava, and even in bad weather Ivan Nikiforovich goes there hoping to solve the matter in his favor. Ivan Ivanovich
is waiting for favorable news… In Mirgorod, autumn is with its sad weather: mud and fog, monotonous rain, a tearless sky without a gleam.
Boring in this world, gentlemen!
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