Zhenya Ljuvers comes from Perm, here her childhood also passed. In the summer, she and her family went to the dacha on the banks of the Kama River. One day, waking up in the middle of the night, Zhenya found out that from the other side of the river lights and strange sounds can be seen, which made the girl very frightened and cried. Her father came to her room, explaining to her daughter that the lights were coming from Motovilikha, as it turned out the next morning, of a pig iron production plant. This seemingly insignificant event immediately kicked Zhenya out of childhood. For the first time in her life, she concealed other questions of her interest, since only people who smoke, lock her door, shout and punish in the event of faults can get answers to them.
Years succeeded each other. Children, including Zhenya, were accustomed from early childhood to the constant departures of their father, they thought that the fathers have a special duty to occasionally dine at home and
never in it to have supper. When his father was in a bad mood, he became a completely different, alien person for the children, and they never dared to bother him. Mother was tender with the children, often sat with them for hours, because of what they experienced the torture of conscience, considering it undeserved. But when they came to themselves, they often saw the mother in alienation, hot-tempered without a reason.
In Yekaterinburg, another life began. Zhenya and Seryozha started to study at the gymnasium. Zhenya became friends with Lisa Defendova, the daughter of a psalm-reader, and Sergei with the Ahmedyan brothers. My father had a colleague – a Belgian named Negarat. However, soon he had to return to his homeland, but before leaving, he said that he had given Tsvetkov some of his books and that Lewers could take them if they wanted to.
One day in August, Zhenya scrambled up the woodpile, and from the height she opened a view of a strange garden, where three unfamiliar women looked at something. After that they went to the gate, and behind them, limping, was a man of short stature with a large
book in his hands – an album or an atlas. This person interested Zhenya. One day, she noticed how he came out of the bookshop with her coach, the Wild. Immediately afterwards, they went with Seryozha to the shop behind Turgenev. This stranger was Tsvetkov, whom Negarat mentioned.
One day, the parents gathered for a performance in the theater. At midnight, voices began to be heard, shouts, tramp, and unnatural cry of my mother. Children were locked away from sin in their rooms, and in the morning they were sent from their homes to their friends’ families: Seryozha to Akhmedyanov, and Zhenya to Defendov. Tsvetkov again caught her eye while she was staying at the Defendovs. The man was holding a lamp in his hand and moving farther from the fire. Several shadows followed him, and then a sleigh, dissolved in darkness.
Already at home she was explained in response to a question about my mother’s illness that the evening when my parents went to the theater, after the performance, their horse began to rage, fight, and eventually killed a passerby. Mom fell ill with a nervous breakdown, at the same time a “dead brother” was born, which Zhenya learned from the Defendovs. In the evening came her tutor Wild. He was somewhat depressed. It turned out that it was the death of his close friend, Tsvetkov. Upon learning about this, Zhenya ran out of the room in tears. Wild reasoned that such a surge of emotions in a small woman can only cause a feeling, the name of which is well known to everyone.
However, he was wrong. This feeling was similar, but different. In her life was a stranger to whom she did not feel love or hate, which she was, in fact, indifferent, but in relation to such and talk about the commandments, like “do not steal” and “love your neighbor.” But the main thing, in what the Wild people made a mistake, is the presence of the name of such a feeling, it did not exist.