The hero of the story appeals to his drinking companion: “Come on, Kolya, let’s start in order, although it’s not at all clear to me how in this whole absurd history there can be order.” One day, in 1949, the hero gives a phone call. The lieutenant-colonel of Kayshallah’s security is menacingly calling Citizen Tade. Without expecting anything good, citizen Tade serves the table for two people, thinking how many stars will be added to the bottle of cognac for his return, looks out the window at the schoolgirl, with whom he hopes to drink this cognac in the future, removes the bug from the wall, throws it under the door neighbor Zoya and goes to Lubyanka. “Hello to a cold mind and a hot heart!” – greets Tade Kidalu, who once released Tade, promising to save him for a particularly important cause. By the anniversary of the First Cause, the authorities decide to conduct an indicative process. Kidalla suggests Tade, as the accused in this process, to choose one of ten cases. All affairs are fantastic in their design and content, which for Tade is not surprising. He stops at the “Deed on the brutal rape and murder of the oldest kangaroo at the Moscow Zoo on the night of July 14, 1789, January 9, 1905”.
Tade was placed in a comfortable camera, so that he wrote the scenario of the process according to Stanislavsky’s system. In the cell there are flowers, charming air, pictures of pictures on the walls reflecting
To better understand the challenges ahead, Tade seeks to have Valeriy Chkalovich Katser, the inventor of the Chekist computer, who is able to model fantastic crimes against the Soviet system, also visited the camera.
Conversations led by Tade with visitors to his cell, negotiations with Kidallah, heard and seen at the same time – all consists of grotesquely picked fragments of phrases and slogans of Soviet reality. Phantasmagoria becomes the process itself, in which representatives of fraternal Communist Parties and affiliated MGB figures, writers, generals, violinists are appearing. The Politburo headed by Stalin, collective farmers with sickles and pioneers. Despite the fantastic nature of what is happening, the life of the state machine, in which the main part – the organs of internal affairs, is strikingly recognizable.
At the trial, Tade passes under the next nickname – Khariton Ustinych York. The hero calls himself the other nickname: Fan Fanych. The defendant X. u. York on the verdict receives the highest measure, but in fact – twenty-five years. Fan Fanych describes the camp as a nightmare with instant changes in time and place of action, with a lot of characters from the guard to Stalin. Six years later, rehabilitated, he returns to Moscow.
In the apartment, a neighbor Zoyka in a gas mask hunts hordes of bedbugs. In the room of Fan Fanich there is a cognac, aged for six years. Sparrows, flew into the open once pane, planted in the nests, a large number of offspring. Fan Fanich sees a girl in the window – the same schoolgirl, who admired six years ago. He calls the girl Iru into the room and uncork with her the awaited bottle. After a short conversation, Ira leaves. Fan Fanych goes to Lubyanka, but there he is informed that citizen Kidalla in the bodies does not work and has never worked and that Fan Fanich did not rape kangaroos, but was arrested on false charges in attempting an attempt on Kaganovich and Beria. Fan Fanych, respecting the “deaf unconscious”, sends greetings to Kidalle and leaves the building on the Lubyanka. Two days later, Ira comes to him again, and for a few weeks they make love.
Fan Fanych visits the zoo and in the enclosure he sees a kangaroo Gemma, born in 1950, the daughter of the one killed according to the scenario of the show trial. Fan Fanicha causes Inurcollegia – it turns out that the Australian millionaire bequeathed the inheritance to someone who will rape and brutally kill a kangaroo, as kangaroos made wild raids on the fields of a millionaire. Fan Fanich refuses, explaining that he was convicted for a different charge, but he is explained that the country needs a currency and is obliged to accept the inheritance. After subtracting all interest and taxes, Fan Fanych receives two thousand seven hundred one ruble in certificates for the Beryozka store. He asks his interlocutor: “Well, if you threaten sixty million people to open this store, which sells rubbish, which in normal countries are sold at every corner for normal money?” Fan Fanych promises Kolya to buy jeans and a fur coat for his wife Vladya Yurievna. He informs that soon he must return from the Crimea of Ira, to the arrival of which it is necessary to take out all the empty bottles in the yard, and he offers the last toast – for Freedom.