Julius tries to find Lucinda where he used to see her-in her room, on their couch-and, without finding her, begins to conduct with her a strange, meaningless conversation, then giving herself up to the will of his fantasies, then resorting to the help of the inscriptions he once wrote, preserved by her caring hands. In this influx of images, he wants first of all to find words and colors to describe the joy and love that connects him with her, the harmony into which they sink together, without breaking the embrace. “I can no longer say” my love “or” your love, “he writes,” they are the same and are merged together, being equally love and reciprocity. “
One of his “dreams in reality” he calls “Allegory
“The society,” he says to Lucinda in one of their further conversations, “is chaos that needs to be harmonized, maybe only with the help of wit, if one does not joke and fool around with elements of passion, then it condenses into impenetrable masses and obscures all”. Yulia’s youthful years could serve as an excellent illustration of both the fidelity of this thesis and his own persistence in following him. In those years his thought was in constant ferment; every moment he was ready to meet something extraordinary. Nothing could hit him, least of all his own doom. Without a cause and without a purpose, he wandered between things and people, like a man who with trembling waits for something that his happiness depends on. Everything could deceive him, and at the same time nothing could satisfy him.
In this case, none of the manifestations of debauchery could not turn into an integral habit for him, for he had as much contempt as levity. In the end, this contempt turned him away from his current companions; he remembered the girlfriend of his adolescence, the tender, exalted and innocent girl; hurried to return to her, he found her already formed, but as noble, thoughtful and proud as before. He decided to possess it, with disgust, rejecting the slightest consideration of morality; but when he almost reached his, a sudden stream of her tears cooled him and caused in his soul something resembling repentance. After that, he again plunged into the old way of life; but soon in this whirlpool of entertainment he met another girl whom he wanted to possess completely, despite the fact that he found it among those, who almost openly belongs to everyone; she was almost as evil as she is innocent, and usually in her relations with men, doing what she considered her duty remained completely cold; But Julius had the good fortune to please her, and she suddenly became attached to him more than this can be expressed in words. Perhaps, for the first time, she did not like the environment, which until now was quite satisfied with her. Julius felt and rejoiced at this, but he could not completely overcome the contempt that his profession and her corruption had taught him. When she told him that he would be the father of her child, he considered himself deceived and left her. Her servant called him to her; after much persuasion he followed him; in her office it was dark, he was attached to her – and heard a deep sigh, which was the last; glancing at himself, he saw, that he is in the blood. In a fit of desperation, she inflicted numerous wounds, most of which were fatal… This incident filled him with horror and disgust for public prejudice. Repentance was suppressed by pride, only enhanced by that feeling of a new, more endured contempt for the world, which he felt in himself.
However, time passed, and he met a woman who relieved him of this disease. She combined courtesy and artistry with self-control and courage; deifying her, he did not consider himself entitled to try to disturb her family happiness; feeling for her became for his spirit a strong focus and the foundation of a new world. He again realized in himself the vocation to the divine art; his passion and his youth, he devoted to the artist’s lofty work, and gradually the sea of inspiration absorbed the flow of his love feelings.
It happened, however, that he met a young artist who, like him, passionately worshiped the beautiful. Only a few days they spent together, and Lucinda gave himself to him forever, revealing to him the depth of her soul and all the strength, naturalness and loftiness that lurked in her. For a long time he called passion what he felt for her, and tenderness for what she gave him; flashed for more than two years before he realized that he was infinitely loved and loved himself with no less force. Love, he realized, is not only a secret inner need for the infinite; it is at the same time a sacred pleasure in the common affinity. Only in the answer of your “You” can each “I” fully experience its infinite unity.
The highest manifestation of the mind is not to act according to one’s intention, but to indulge in the whole soul of imagination and not interfere with the fun of the young mother with her baby. Let the man worship the beloved, the mother – the child and all – the eternal man. And the soul will comprehend the complaint of the nightingale and the smile of the newborn and will understand the meaning of everything that the secret writings inscribe in colors and stars; the sacred meaning of life, as well as the eternal language of nature. She will never be able to leave this magical circle, and everything she creates or says will sound like an amazing romance about the wonderful mysteries of the children’s world of the gods, accompanied by the enchanting music of the senses and adorned with the full bloom of a sweet life full of deep meaning.