“Nikolay Nikolaevich” Aleshkovskogo in brief summary

The former thief-pickpocket Nikolai Nikolaevich behind the bottle tells the story of his life to the silent interlocutor.

He was released nineteen years, immediately after the war. His aunt registered in Moscow. Nikolai Nikolayevich did not work anywhere – he patted his pockets in the tramway crowd and was at the money. But then a decree was issued to increase the term for theft, and Nikolai Nikolayevich, according to the advice of his aunt, arranged to work in the laboratory for his neighbor in a communal apartment, a biologist scientist named Kimza.

One week Nikolai Nikolayevich washes the bottles and once in the queue at the buffet, obeying the habit, pulls the wallet from the head of the staff. In the toilet he finds in the wallet not money, but denunciations for the staff of the institute. Nikolai Nikolayevich descends all this “wealth” into the toilet, leaving only a denunciation of Kimza, who shows it. He pale and dissolve the denunciation in the

acid. The next day Nikolai Nikolayevich tells Kimza that he is giving up his job. Kimza offers him to work in a new capacity – to become a donor of sperm for his new experiments, which were not equal in the history of biology. They negotiate the conditions: orgasm daily in the mornings, the working day is not standardized, the salary is eight hundred and twenty rubles. Nikolay Nikolaevich agrees. Just in case, in the evening, he goes to consult about his future work with a friend – an international “urka”. He says that Nikolai Nikolayevich went cheap – “I would sell these my biologists individually to my biologists, and they gave me microscopes and dadenes-a trifle to count.” It’s a pity that you can not dilute the little malicious stuff, like a sour cream in a store. Nikolay Nikolaevich expects to gradually raise the price in the future.

The first time he fills the tube half way – “the whole Milky Way”, as his neighbor on the bunks, an astronomer, once said. Kimza is pleased: “Well, Nicholas, you are superman.”

Nikolai Nikolayevich

“knocks out” raising the salary to two thousand four hundred, deliberately throws dirt into the test tube from his heel – as a result of this cunning, allegedly for the sterility of the work process, receives two liters of alcohol per month. In joys, Nikolai Nikolaevich gets drunk with an international urk and tomorrow at work can not bring himself to orgasm. He is all wet, his hand is trembling, but nothing happens. An academician pokes his head in the door: “What are you, my friend, can not ejaculate a seed?” Suddenly, one of the junior researchers, Vlad Yurievna, enters the room, turns off the light – and takes Nikolai Nikolaevich “for a rough, boorish, stubborn bastard, for a member…”. Nikolai Nikolayevich during orgasm screams for twenty seconds so that the test tubes ring and the light bulbs burn out, and faints.

Next time he again does not manage to cope on his own, but for another reason. It turns out that Nikolai Nikolayevich fell in love and thinks only of Vlad Yurievna. She again comes to the rescue. After work, Nikolai Nikolayevich traces Vlad Yuryevna to find out where she lives. He wants to “just look at her face white… the hair is red and the eyes are green.”

The next day, Nikolai Nikolaevich is informed that his mother was placed in Vlad Yuryevna and she became pregnant. Nikolai Nikolaevich is upset to tears, which in this way is connected with his beloved, but she says: “I understand… it’s all a little sad, but science is a science.”

A commission consisting of the leadership of the institute and people “not from biology” closes the laboratory, since genetics is declared pseudoscience. Nikolai Nikolayevich is interrogated about what his job was, but he, using his camp experience, tosses the deputy director of the inkwell into the snout and simulates an epileptic seizure. Writhing on the floor, he hears how the deputy director refuses his wife – Vlady Yuryevna. Nikolai Nikolaevich breaks free from the institute, goes to Vlad Yuryevna home and carries her to himself, and he goes to spend the night in an international urka. In the morning, he finds a pale Vlad Yuryevna lying on the sofa at home, and Kimza, who feels her pulse. On the nerves of Vladyka Yurievna, a miscarriage occurred. Nikolai Nikolayevich nurses Vlad Yuryevna, sleeps next to her on the floor. To withstand such a close neighborhood, he can not, but she admits her frigidity.

Life goes on: already the Morganists and cosmopolitans have been exposed, Vlada Yuryevna is going to work as a senior nurse, Nikolai Nikolayevich is arranged by the orderly. They are going through hard times. But then Stalin dies. Kimza returned to the laboratory, he takes Vlad Yurievna and Nikolai Nikolayevich to his house-experiments continue. Nikolai Nikolayevich is hung with sensors, studying the energy that is released during orgasm. Once his sperm is injected into a Swedish lady, and she has a son who, although stealing, goes to the Pope. During the experiments, Nikolai Nikolayevich reads books and makes an opening: the degree of excitation depends on the text being read. From socialist realism, for example, though cry, but does not rise, but from reading, for example, Pushkin, “Othello” or “Flies-tsokotuhi” effect is greatest. One academician, having analyzed the data, informs Nikolai Nikolaevich his own conclusion: the whole of Soviet science, especially Marxism-Leninism, is a continuous “sudoh”. “The party jerks off, the government masturbates, science masturbates,” and it seems to everyone that after this, like an orgasm, a bright future will suddenly come. The academician rejoices that a man has died in this Nikolai Nikolaevich man, and asks what kind of business he wants to do after the experiments. Nikolai Nikolaevich recalls one useful book published under the tsar, “How to fix your own shoes”, from which he “stood like a bayonet,” and decides to go to work as a shoemaker. “And how are you here without me?” he asks the academician. Let the youth masturbate. “There is no need to do science with white gloves,” the academician answers and promises to come to Nikolai Nikolaevich to repair his shoes. And Nikolai Nikolayevich decides to leave a note on his work: “I’ve screwed up.” Let the Fidel Castro jerk off. “He has nothing to do” – and fade away. He imagines how Kimza will rush to Vlad Yuryevna in desperation: “Now science will stop because of your Kolenka.” And Vlada Yuryevna will reply: “It will not stop, we have accumulated a lot of unprocessed facts. Let’s process them.”

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“Nikolay Nikolaevich” Aleshkovskogo in brief summary