“Impossible story” Nidze in brief summary
As soon as the misty haze of the New Year’s Eve faded, the court ladies who served in Tomikoji’s palace appeared in the reception hall, competing with each other in the glitter of dresses. That morning, I had a seven-layer undergarment – the color changed from pale pink to dark red: on top of a purple dress, and another light green and red cape with sleeves. The upper dress was patterned with the branches of a flowering plum above the hedge in the Chinese spirit. The ceremony of offering a festive cup to the emperor was performed by my father, the senior state counselor. When I returned to my room, I saw a letter, eight thin undergarments, capes, and upper dresses of different colors were attached to it. To the sleeve of one of them was pinned a sheet of paper with verses: “If we are not given, / like birds, side by side hovering, / connect wings,
But I wrapped the silk back and sent it with a poem: “Oh, do I have to get dressed in gold-plated dresses,
The Emperor said that he intends to visit our estate in connection with the change of place, so the astrologers ordered to avoid misfortune. In my bedroom, they put up luxurious screens, lit incense, dressed me up in a white dress and a purple bifurcated skirt-hakama. My father taught me that I should be soft, compliant and obey the sovereign in everything. But I did not understand what all his instructions were about, and I fell asleep with a sound sleep near the brazier with coal, feeling only a vague discontent. When I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, I saw a prince next to me, he said that he had beaten me as a child, and for many years had been hiding his feelings, but now it’s time. I was terribly embarrassed and could not answer anything. When the distraught sovereign departed, it seemed to me that this was not a sovereign, but some new, unknown to me person, with whom one can not talk simply as before. And I felt sorry for myself until I cried. Then they brought a letter from the Emperor, and
The next day the sovereign again granted, and although I could not answer him, everything happened at his will, and I bitterly looked at a clear month. The night brightened, the dawn bell struck. The Emperor swore to me that our connection would never be interrupted. The moon was waning to the west, the clouds stretched out on the eastern slope of the sky, and the sovereign was beautiful in a green dress and a light gray cloak. “Here it is, the union of men and women,” I thought. I remembered the lines from “The Tale of Prince Genji”: “Because of the love of the Emperor, they were soaked from the tears of his sleeves…” The month was completely white, and I stood, exhausted from tears, escorting the sovereign, and he suddenly picked me up and put me in his arms carriage. So he took me to Tomikoji’s palace. The Emperor accompanied me night after night, but it was strange to me, why in my soul there lives the image of the one who wrote to me:
When I returned home, for some reason I began to look forward to the messages from the Emperor. But in the palace they earned evil tongues, the sovereign treated me worse and worse.
Soon autumn came, and the princess was born a princess. The parent of the sovereign fell ill and died, his death seemed to close the sky, the people plunged into sorrow, bright outfits were replaced by mourning clothes, and the body of the late emperor was transported to the temple for burning. All voices in the capital were silent, it seemed that the flowers of the plum blossomed in black. Soon the term of the funeral prayers was over, and everyone returned to the capital, the fifth moon came, when the sleeves are always wet from the spring rains. I felt that it was a burden, and my father, who bitterly mourned the death of the Emperor and wanted to follow him when he found out about it, decided not to die. Although the Tsar was kind to me, I did not know how long his love would last. My father was getting worse and worse, on his deathbed, he was sad about my fate, what would happen to the orphan, if the tsar left her, and ordered me in this case to get a haircut in a nun. Soon his father’s body turned into ethereal smoke. It was autumn. Waking up amidst a long autumn night, I listened to the dull tapping of wooden rollers, yearning for my late father. On the 57th day after his death, the Tsar sent me a crystal rosary tied to a saffron flower made of gold and silver, and a sheet of paper with verses was attached to it: “In the autumn / dew always comes out / / but today much more abundantly / placer dewy on clothes… “
I answered that I thank and that, of course, my father in the next world rejoices in the sovereign’s affection.
I was visited by a friend of the Akebono family, Snow Dawn, he could talk to him about anything, sometimes he would sit till morning. He began to whisper to me about love, so tender and passionate that I could not resist, and only was afraid that the Emperor would see our meeting in a dream. In the morning we exchanged poems. I lived at that time in the house of the wet nurse, quite an unceremonious person, and even her husband and sons all the day long rustled and rattled until late at night. So when Akebono appeared, I was ashamed for the loud screams and the rumbling of the rice mortar. But there was and will be no more memories for me than for these, in fact, painful encounters. Our love grew stronger, and I did not want to return to the palace to the sovereign. But the Emperor insisted, and at the beginning of the eleventh moon I had to move to the palace, where everything ceases to please me. And then I secretly moved to the wretched abode of Daigo to the nun-abbess. We lived poorly and modestly, as at the end of the twelfth moon the sovereign granted him a night. He looked exquisitely and beautifully in a dark robe on white snow with a defective month. The Emperor left, and on my sleeve there were tears of sadness. At dawn he sent me a letter: “Farewell to you filled my soul with the not yet known charm of sadness…” The water is dark in the monastery, the water falling from the gutter has frozen, there is a deep silence, only a faraway knocking woodcutter.
Suddenly, a knock at the door, look – and this is Akebono, Snow Dawn. Snow fell, burying everything around him, the wind howled eerily. Akebono gave out presents, and the day passed like a continuous holiday. When he left, the pain of separation was unbearable. In the second moon, I felt the approach of childbirth. The Emperor was at that time very concerned about the affairs of the throne, but he still ordered the monastery of Good and Peace to pray for a safe solution from the burden. The birth went well, the baby-prince was born, but I was tormented by thoughts of my father and my beloved Akebono. He again visited me in the light of a dull winter moon. It all seemed to me that the night birds were shouting, or else the birds were already dawning, it was getting light, it was dangerous to leave from me, and we spent a day together, and then we received a tender letter from the emperor. It turned out that I again suffered from Akebono. Afraid of human eyes, I left the palace and shut myself up, telling me I was seriously ill. The Emperor sent messengers, but I conspired that the disease was contagious. The child was born secretly, only Akebono and two maidens were with me. Akebono cut the umbilical cord with his sword. I looked at the girl: eyes, hairs, and only then did I understand what maternal love is. But my child carried away from me forever. And it so happened that I lost the little prince that I lived in my uncle’s house, he disappeared like a dewdrop from a leaf of grass. I mourned for my father and the boy-prince, mourned for my daughter, lamented that Akebono was leaving me in the morning, jealous of the emperor to other women-this was my life at that time. I dreamed of a mountain wilderness, about wanderings: “Oh, if I had a place to stay / in Eshino, in the mountain deserts, / to find shelter in it / from the worries and sorrows of the world! ..”
The Tsar was fond of different women, then a princess, then a young artist, and his passions were fleeting, but still hurt me. I was eighteen years old, many noble dignitaries sent me gentle messages, one abbot of the temple burned to me with a fierce passion, but it was disgusting to me. He showered me with letters and very skilful verses, arranged dates – one appointment even occurred in front of the Buddha’s altar – and one time I succumbed, but then I wrote to him: “Well, if one day / my feelings change! / You see how fading / love, disappearing without a trace, / like dew at dawn? .. “
I fell ill, and it seemed to me that it was he who cursed me.
Once the Emperor lost to his elder brother a match in archery and, in punishment, was to present to the brother all the court ladies serving at the court. We dressed up as boys in elegant outfits and ordered to play ball in the Pomeranian Garden. The balls were red, braided with silver and gold thread. Then the ladies played the scenes from The Tale of Prince Genji. I already had absolutely decided to renounce the world, but I noticed that I again carried it. Then I disappeared into the abode of Daigo, and no one could find me – neither the sovereign, nor Akebono. Life in the world to me has become cold, regrets about the past have tormented the soul. Sadly and bleakly flowed my life, although the Emperor sought me out and forced me to return to the palace. Akebono, who was my first true love, gradually moved away from me. I was thinking about what is waiting for me, because life is like short-lived dew.
The abbot, who still furiously loved me, died, having sent his death poems: “Remembering you, / I’m leaving my life with hope, / that though the smoke from the fire, on which I will burn without a trace, / to yours will reach home.” – And attributed – But, by ascending into the emptiness of smoke, I will still cling to you. ” Even the emperor sent me condolences: “He loved you so much…” I shut myself up in the temple. The Emperor distanced himself from me with his heart, the Empress did not tolerate me, Akebono fell out of love, I had to leave the palace, where I spent many years. I was not sorry to part with the vain world, and I settled in the temple of Gion and became a nun. I was called to the palace, but I understood that spiritual anguish would remain with me everywhere. And I went on a long journey to the temples and caves of hermits and found myself in the city of Kamakura, where the shogun ruled. The splendid capital of the shogun was all good, but it seemed to me that poetry and grace were lacking to it. So I lived in seclusion when I learned that the Emperor died. In my eyes it got dark, and I rushed back to the old capital, even though it was unrecognized to go to the funeral. When I saw the smoke of his funeral pyre, everything faded in my life. It is truly impossible to change what is ordained to man by the law of karma.
Note by the transcriber: “At this point the manuscript is cut off, and what is written on it is not known.”
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